Monday, January 30, 2012

I Finally Figured It Out.

Ever since I've been up at college I have slowly but surely been gaining weight. It's tearing me apart. I hate going home and feeling like everyone is looking at me and thinking, "Wow. She really has put some weight on." I want to go home and have everyone say "Wow, Ali! You look great!" So it became my New Years Resolution.
For the past month I kept telling myself "I'm going to work out! I'm going to lose weight! I'm going to blah blah blah blah blah." Let's just say it's a lot easier said than done. But today, I realized something. I realized that every night I feel inadequate. Every night I regret what I did that day. I regret eating that dessert at the MarketPlace. I regret NOT going to the gym. I regret sleeping in through my 8:30 kickboxing class. I just regret the habits that I've made. And even though I continue to tell myself tomorrow, tomorrow, TOMORROW. "Tomorrow" never comes. It's like that sign on the side of the crab shack that used to be my the University Mall. "Free crab TOMORROW." But guess what everyone? It will never say "Free crab TODAY" until you actually do something about it.
As I was driving home tonight from work and feeling inadequate yet again, I realized I should go to the gym right NOW. NOW is when I'm actually motivated to do something. Tomorrow morning when I'm laying in my warm bed I'm not going to be able to get my fat butt out of bed and go to the gym. NOW is the time to do it.
I finally figured out that for me, sleep erases every emotion of the past day. No matter how badly I feel about myself every night, I will wake up and feel completely different. Not good, but not bad enough to do something about it.
So tonight I went to the gym. And guess what?? I LOVED IT. I forget how amazing it feels to actually work out. You know how people always tell you the exercising makes you happy?? Well guess what folks? THEY'RE RIGHT. I found my missing piece. I figured out what I need to do to be happy. And I hope that by reading this, you were able to find a little piece of your puzzle.  Love you all.